It’s Monday, which means the Sports Desk has once again reviewed the weekend’s athletic achievements and poor life choices, so you don’t have to.
• Arkansas finally pulled its head out and ended Tulsa’s undefeated campaign.
• Oklahoma turned it over four times, not realizing that Georgia didn’t need their help.
• Oregon proved last week’s 84-point Portland State therapy session could, in fact, translate against an actual opponent.
• Oklahoma State found another 600 yards of offense, confirming that money can be well spent.
• Oregon State has won two straight, forcing the Sports Desk to temporarily suspend several hilarious jokes.
• Memphis was on PTO.
• The Kansas City Swifts are 3-0, meaning Taylor remains officially cleared of all dynasty-related charges.
• And Dallas traveled 5,000 miles to Brazil only to discover that classic Cowboys heartbreak is, in fact, available internationally.
Meanwhile, the Sports Desk Analytics Department has conclusively determined that Arkansas is better than Oregon. The math is indisputable.
Welcome back to The Aaon Group Sports Desk.
Sports Desk Analytics Special Report: Arkansas destroyed Tulsa. Tulsa destroyed Oklahoma State. Oklahoma State destroyed Oregon. Therefore, Arkansas is better than Oregon. We understand there are people who may dispute this conclusion. Those people apparently do not believe in mathematics.
Arkansas > Tulsa > Oklahoma State > Oregon
And, since the Ducks just destroyed USC, Arkansas > USC. Extrapolated, we can mathematically conclude that Arkansas is approximately 1 win away from a National Championship.
Our CEO is welcome to submit an appeal; however, it will be reviewed by the same department that produced the analysis.
Oklahoma State vs. West Virginia — Cowboys 41, Mountaineers 24
Oklahoma State trailed 14-3, then suddenly remembered it had used T. Boone Pickens money to purchase an offense during the offseason. The Cowboys piled up 609 yards and snapped an 18-game Big 12 losing streak. That’s now three straight 500-yard games after recording exactly zero of them in 2025, so somebody in Stillwater should probably password-protect whatever they discovered.
Arkansas vs. Tulsa — Razorbacks 34, Golden Hurricane 6
Last week, The Aaon Group Sports Desk informed Arkansas that undefeated Tulsa had not only better academics, but quite possibly a better football team. Apparently, the Razorbacks received the news. Arkansas outgained Tulsa 441-241 while handing the Golden Hurricane their first loss of the season.
Oklahoma vs. No. 2 Georgia — Bulldogs 41, Sooners 13
OU committed four turnovers including a pass/fumble sort of thing that traveled 85 yards in the wrong direction. What’s even more insane is that Oklahoma somehow finished with more first downs and passing yards than Georgia, proving once again that statistics can be technically accurate while providing no actual emotional support.
The Sooners are 2-2, and “winning angrily” has been temporarily replaced by “getting thumped.”
No. 20 Oregon vs. No. 12 USC — Ducks 41, Trojans 27
Oregon finally played ranked football team and, inconveniently for our Oklahoma State narrative, looked dang good doing it.
The game's biggest moment came in the second quarter when a USC linebacker attempted to murder a sliding Dante Moore, sending the Oregon quarterback off the field on a stretcher and eventually to the hospital. Stephens was ejected, USC has since suspended him, and the Sports Desk has forwarded the replay to the Los Angeles County District Attorney for additional review.
Oregon secured its fifth straight win over rival USC. The Ducks have now scored 125 points in two games after their “come-to-Jesus” in Stillwater.
Oregon State vs. UTEP — Beavers 33, Miners 7
“The Real OSU” has officially developed momentum as the Beavers have won their second straight after starting 0-2. We are not claiming the turnaround began when the Sports Desk declared them “The Real OSU,” but responsible journalism requires us to acknowledge the timeline.
Kansas City vs. Miami — Chiefs 24, Dolphins 10
The Chiefs moved to 3–0 and, at this point, the Sports Desk is running out of plausible explanations for why this thing keeps working.
Patrick Mahomes went 20-of-24 for 246 yards and two TDs, while Travis Kelce opened the game with a 48-yard catch and later scored the fourth-quarter touchdown that put Miami away.
So unfortunately for our ongoing investigation, marriage has not yet destroyed the Chiefs dynasty. Taylor Swift remains cleared of all charges pending further evidence. 😂
Baltimore vs. Dallas — Ravens 34, Cowboys 31
Dallas traveled 5,000 miles to Brazil. To lose.
The Cowboys tied the game with seven seconds remaining and apparently thought overtime was imminent. However, Baltimore is really good and only required six of those remaining seven seconds to score the game winning field goal.
That is an extraordinarily long flight back to Texas to think about seven seconds.
Longview Team Members, the Sports Desk extends its sympathies.
